Waking Up

wow, I have to tell you my awakening process has been tough and amazing. I went all the way down the ladder into a process of awakening that took me into everything I believed and held dear. First of all, I believe still in healing ourselves and in using maps to guide our process. What maps? What do we use to support ourselves? That is a big question.

I want to share more about the maps I found within myself that help and some of the ways to think about your movement through your unfolding process of healing and awakening.

First, you know your level of trauma. Trauma fixates our perception on a certain way of seeing everything. That fixes our dreaming (perception). So, we have to work to clear our perceptual lense. This isn’t easy when we are trying to function with the perception we have and to be successful in our day-to-day life.

We know even when we perceive accurately we perceive very little of our environment. Our focus reduces that range even more. For example, if you were abused as a child in specific ways, you will be highly sensitized to anything associated or reminding you of that specific set of circumstances. It can sensitize you to abuse, and may make you unable to see the way you might abuse others in your quest to protect yourself. You may not see the ways you actually abuse yourself. You may be looking through an abusive lense. When you have experienced childhood trauma, you do not know who and what to trust. A distorted perception makes change difficult. This is why many can not move out of the circumstance of their birth. This is projected outward on the “system” when actually the problem is one of a lack of freedom in perceiving and attracting something different. Perception seems to fixate frequency and then dictate what happens. So we do create our reality. I believe this is why “evil” involves robbing children of their innocence. Children are impacted and do not have enough mental capacity to have full understanding and to process their experiences fully. So as adults we are basically traumatized children.

Personally, I grew up in an extremely severe physically and sexually abusive family. My attachments were disrupted and violent. Coming out of that childhood and putting myself through school and attending therapy, trainings etc… was an amazing process. Yet, it was based on the idea that the world was basically good and the process of living in this world was trustworthy. There were bad people of course and the goal was to either stay away from them or help them move toward their goodness. I was committed to my spiritual connection to “GOD” and committed to goodness. I wanted to help others who suffered.

I was a therapist when the opiate epidemic rolled through my experience. It was personal and it was professional. It initiated a 15 year struggle with my own son who eventually passed in his addiction. I saw the “pain” clinics pop up all through my home state of Delaware where I was a licensed therapist. I saw my neighbors, their children and their grandchildren either dying or loosing everything due to opiates. There were young people in their twenties lined up outside pain clinics. I couldn’t understand what was happening.

Our medical profession was prescribing the opiates in different forms. They were insisting this was necessary. I knew this was not true. I had experienced this with the medical profession before. I had to heal my own epilepsy with natural means because the medicine I was prescribed in my twenties was shutting down my life. I was not willing to accept that. Of course even children (in my son’s case) became addicted to opiates because they were accessible and available in homes throughout my state.

I knew good medicine too. I had contracted Lyme Disease in Germany and was healed through a 30 day IV of antibiotics the German Drs. had recommended to my American Dr. who was able to follow the protocol. I understand later that the IV protocol was no longer available in America. Drs lost the license to practice for prescribing the treatment that worked. I was aware of many people suffering chronic Lyme as a result.

I believed in addiction treatment. I believed people were able to recover. My experiences working in the field of addiction after my son’s death is another story to be told.

The opiate epidemic was the major medical sell out that began my awakening. Opiates were a weapon and medicine was weaponized. We were under attack and I was successfully “taken out” by my loss. It has been 6 long years and I am finally feeling I can communicate better my experience.

Basically, during my life I avoided pharmaceutical medicine. I tried to help my clients understand that clean water and clean food is essential medicine. Psychologically, healing without medicine unless you are psychotic, is essential if it is possible. As a result of that realization, I saw what I felt was the increasingly weaponized food supply due to additives that were not healthy and constituted toxins.

I watched as my friends and family struggled with chronic illness that resulted from their trust in packaged foods and additives. They were struggling with toxic overload that was putting them on maintenance “medicines” by the time they were in their 40s or 50s.

It is very difficult to understand and awaken when you are born into a war zone. Only religion seemed to communicate this narrative. To me, religious people seemed eccentric and “crazy”. I did not trust them or the BIBLE to communicate all of the truth. I knew there was truth there, but I also in my gut felt it was manipulated by the powers of the time. The entire story was not there. By rejecting the guidance there, I was left on my own and was drawn into the alternative healing schools for further study. In those programs sexual freedom and honesty were both prioritized.

Since I had been sexually abused from toddler to adolescent, I embraced sexual freedom within committed relationship. I felt this was the answer. However, my relationships did not work as I was exploited and gave more than I got until it was untenable! Then I left. So I experienced the world as a difficult place to create justice, fairness, respect, love, truth, honesty, health, communication and intelligence. All of these principles and behaviors seemed essential and yet I could not understand why was it so difficult to experience and create that type of health and happiness.

In Core Energetics this difficuty was attributed our lower self involvement in everything and our fear of our higher self and it’s truth and guidance. I worked on my lower self and on being honest about it. I worked on the pleasure in my negativity. My focus was on uncovering and changing it. My love for my creator was always strong in me. I wanted to do better. I wanted to love and be close to GOD and life. As a child I was denied closeness so I was seeking it. This was also my achilles heel in a world where our weaknesses are exploited by negative intentions.

As a result I learned to be alone. In that space I grew into my guidance and connection with my creator. This became my lifeline during the time of my awakening and loss. Energetically, this was a deep detoxification process. I did not have sex and as the years passed I felt more and more energetically connected than I ever felt having sex. This contradicted my understanding and what I had been taught. It could be there are times in life where sex is best for the body and times when it isn’t necessary. As the hormones change we change. This is built into the life experience in a body.

This leads me into the basic teaching of this article. We can think of ourselves as operating on levels or wheels. Picture yourself as having a spiritual wheel at the top. Then a mental wheel next. Underneath this is an emotional wheel. At the bottom place the physical wheel.

Each of these wheels become clogged by unprocessed misunderstood and unresolved experiences. In order to do “work” on ourselves we have to clear our wheels. This model can really help in your own “process work”. You may want to create a chart with the wheels. List your strategies in each of the areas for each wheel.

What are your spiritual practices? These may be prayer, meditation, space for guidance, sending your love and kindness to all beings….whatever works for you. Ask for protection for your goodness in these times of practice. Set your intention toward your goodness and connection to your creator.

The mental practices need to include your inner dialogue. List simple sentences on cards and place in the house. Not affirmations. Not positive statements about your qualities. No, I mean an inner dialogue from your mature loving nurturing self toward your child, your inner self, your spirit, whatever you want. Keep that loving dialogue going all the time you can until it shows up in your dreams.

Another mental wheel strategy is to stop any negative renditions that go on in your thinking. Complaining, criticizing, analyzing, and paranoid negativity must stop. Just say stop it! and move on to your inner dialogue work.

You can not imagine how powerful this is for those who know how to do inner process work and keep on it! You have to remember to do it ALL THE TIME.

Emotional wheel work involves emotional expression. This should be physical, emotional and mental in the form of words too. Crying, hitting, stomping, all of this is emotional work. Get charts that list emotions and try to identify your gut emotional patterns. Express them and accept them. Don’t analyze them. Learning the difference between a feeling, an emotion and a thought is very important in cleansing your wheels.

Physical work is walking, walking walking. All other physical activity is included like dancing etc. You will notice the physical and the emotional wheels are connected tightly. You need your body to feel your emotions. Working on your physical health is so important for your emotional well-being. These two wheels provide the energetic fire that cooks the others. Eating healthy and giving up all packaged toxins in food is going to make a huge difference.

I understand there are patents now that allow human cells and tissue to be included in foods. We are headed into dangerous territory that makes religion sound truly validated. The Luciferian Agenga maybe real. If we eat our own children through products in our food we may be collaborating with a type of evil most of us can not imagine. This has led me to do deep research and what I find frightens me.